Anxiety

“Stop overthinking,” “Why do you worry so much,” “Why don't you believe me,” “Why are you not on medication", “Why are you so quiet,” and so on. If you struggle with any form of anxiety, you may have heard these phrases before, but sometimes it really does not help to hear them. Of course you want to stop overthinking every situation, you want the negative voices in your head to shut up, you WANT to stop…but you can’t…you do not feel the sense of control over your anxiety. Coming from someone who has battled with anxiety since she was a young child, I am here to tell you it does get better and there is a way out of the fight, and into calm.

Anxiety is strongly embedded into both sides of my family, so I guess you could say I was destined to have it. Ever since a young age this has been a part of me. I was scared of everything when I was little, and I cared so much about other’s feelings, my parents told me that I would always write a note to make the person happy again, or I would continually ask if they were okay. I never wanted others to feel down, and if they were I felt worried. I couldn’t figure out why I was different than my friends by not staying at sleepovers, not wanting to go to events alone, being super quiet, or how I stutter when I’m nervous. Social anxiety and just anxiety in general was the cause, but once I knew, I never told anyone besides my family because I did not want to be looked at differently.

Four years ago, I experienced depression with my anxiety for the first time and it felt like two different wars that I was trying to stop. I tried medications and counselors, and even though talking about it helped I never felt “cured.” After going through this rough patch and feeling the true meaning of rock bottom, one day I prayed to God for help and then felt His presence tell me “Enough is enough.” Since that day, I promised to God I will follow and surrender to Him for helping me get out of that state of mind. No, I was not cured, but I finally decided to take action. Although, two months ago I had to take action again during a rough time, but those actions helped me get to where I am at right now: At peace and finally calm; my true self. It takes time, and sometimes takes a few chances to get it done right.

Anxiety is a common state of mind believe it or not. We all have our stresses and worries, but if you are clinically diagnosed it is a different story. You're battling the worries and stresses about the most unnecessary things on a daily basis, or overthinking and analyzing every situation you're going through rather that is in dating, work, hanging with friends, or at a social event. It does not only affect the mind, but your entire body. You may react differently, but you may feel the weight in our chest, shaking, sweating, crying, clenching, etc. This is all normal, it just takes the time and dedication to figure out ways to prevent the feeling. What is also important is surrounding yourself with people who understand, and are there to love and support you, even during your hardest times.

Why is it that we can't accept our significant others telling us straight in the face that they truly love us without having thoughts about the "but..what ifs?" Also, have you seen those memes that show a party going on, and there's always that one person sitting on the couch with the dog? Yeah. Who can relate with that? If we don't have to interact, and just hangout with the dog then all is good ha ha!!

Anxiety is known to be the worry of the unknown and the future. Not knowing what’s to come or what is currently going on is so nerve wrecking! But I am here to tell you, that it is time to take action and gain control. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself will not do you justice. I know it may be hard to get yourself to do it, but you need to do something. Rather that is practicing yoga, mindfulness, meditation, working out, starting a new hobby, talking to a counselor, being around friends or family, or starting medication. Please do it. Take action and gain control over those unnecessary anxious thoughts.

I do not want you to think taking medicine will make others look at you differently either. It does not mean you are “crazy.” A mental illness is just like any illness, and if you caught a cold and had to take antibiotics to help you, you wouldn’t be ashamed of that, would you? No. It does not define who you are; you are just getting the help you need. Also, the right medicine will still allow you to feel. You will still feel the nerves or stress, but the glory to that is, the feeling will not be so overpowering.

This is a prime example as to why I wanted to create this space of raw, bold, honest content instead of making these topics wishy washy. I believe some of us just need to hear the bold or raw truth rather than have someone try to down play the issue. And reading about topics someone has also gone through can help you connect, and not feel so alone.

So, I have a challenge for you…if any of this sounds like you, PLEASE seek help and take control. Do not define your overall being to the anxiety you have. You are more than that; anxiety is just the little added touch of who we are. I finally accepted this about myself, and I’m not afraid to talk about my journey or what I am currently doing to help myself.

You may be wondering how I took control and helped myself. In the most honest response, I looked at my life and found areas in which I was not happy with. By this I mean, who is in my life that does not bring me good energy, what is going on in school or work that I am not happy with, what am I doing at home that does not benefit me and my anxieties. By looking at these different areas, I decided to step back from certain people, let the RIGHT ones into my life, changed my attitude towards school and work to become more optimistic, hopeful and thankful for even having them, and I changed my non-stop working at home to purposely making time to relax (basically having better time management). Next, I added more activities into my life that bring me joy, such as practicing yoga, working out, writing, reading, spending more time with family and friends, and watching my favorite TV shows (*couch couch...Hallmark). But that's really what I want to get across to you!!! By making these changes, evaluating your life, adding in time to do things that bring you joy, it all helps in your anxiety! Want to know why?

By having people in your life who do not bring good energy...they either bring out a bad side of you, or make you feel unappreciated for who you truly are...they are causing you more stress in your life!! Because, deep down you know they are not what you need, you know they bring a bad side of you out but you do not know what to do about it. Let them go. Why worry about the bad people in your life if you can bring the amazing ones in, who will love you and bring out the best in you!?! Exactly. Secondly, by changing your attitude towards certain areas in your life can help train your mind to stop seeing so many negatives; to start seeing more positives. Start to be more optimistic...we live in such a negative world, why bring that negativeness into important areas in your life? Finally, by adding in activities you enjoy, you give yourself something to look forward to, and that will take your mind off of your anxieties. This is taking time out of your day to focus on an area that makes you happy and less stressed. Other than those steps, I also took the route of counseling, attending church, and medication. Do I need to talk to someone every week? No, but if you are at all like me and once something is on your mind, if you do not get it off your chest soon you feel like you'll explode...so talking every once in awhile to someone who can assist me is soooo beneficial! And yeah...I am on medicine...but guess what? Does that define me? Does it make a person considered "crazy?" NO!! I am doing what is best for my body, and it is helping so well I cannot even put into words how much it has helped me become my true self again.

So I encourage you to try these different tips out, but most importantly, do what is best for you. When you do acknowledge the emotions and heightened worry, take deep breaths, unclench your jaw, and put your shoulders down. Taking a step back and realizing how you feel, you are able to keep track of the certain things in life that trigger your anxiety. Learn from these experiences, and come up with healthy coping skills to calm yourself down (such as taking a breather, stepping out to get some air, meditating for five minutes, or praying).

This is a journey but I promise you, you will finally find CALM. Take control.

Here are a two examples of mindfulness tricks to allow your mind to stop focusing on what may be stressing you out: (Mindfulness=staying focused on the present moment).

5 4 3 2 1 Grounding Technique: 5-Look around and name five things that you see

4-Name four things you can feel

3-Listen for three different sounds

2-Name two things you can smell

1-Name one thing you can taste

3 Category Deep Breathing Technique:

First, focus on breathing through your stomach only. Let your belly rise as

far as you can while counting to four, then exhale counting to four again.

Secondly, focus breathing through your chest only. Expand your ribs counting to

four while inhaling and again exhaling. Finally, focus breathing through your collar-

bone. Inhale and exhale, counting to four again each time. Then repeat the

process for five minutes. I would recommend placing your hand on your heart the

entire session; this will help you focus on the rhythm of your heartbeat along with

the focus on counting.